Gravitation Idol
by Wicked Through and Through
Summary: Um...yeah. A parody of American Idol. Beware of much random bashing... and just stupid insanity...and much OOCnessness ^o^
1. The final four!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I own nooooothing.  
  
Warning: American Idol Judges bashing ahead. Yuki is supposed to be Simon, Sakano is Paula, and Tohma is Randy. ^^;;;;  
  
A/N: In the EverAnime Gravitation subtitles, all the names are translated wrong. Hiro's name is translated as "Ho". Ya need to know this to get some of it ^^ Sakano's name is Pany, Ryuichi's is Lung, Tohma's is Tung (or Tungma) and Yuki's is Kwan. Thank you for your time XP  
  
Tohma: So, Shindou. what will you be singing for us, today?  
  
The black-hatted man twirled in his seat and smiled as Shuichi Shindou sweated under the bright lights of the "Gravitation Idol" stage. After all, it wasn't every day that you were competing with tons of other singers to be the one that everybody adored.  
  
Then again, Shuichi knew all of the judges personally. He looked down upon the three very different figures; Yuki was sitting with his head in his hand, looking very bored while sipping from a can of Budweiser. Sakano was in the middle, alert and ready to listen, while Tohma kept twirling around in his chair on the end.  
  
Shuichi: I'll be singing. a very special song. It's about something I say every day when I see my best friend, and we go to work together.  
  
Yuki sighed, not moving from his interestless position as Shuichi opened his mouth to sing.  
  
Shuichi: HI HO! HI HO! IT'S OFF TO WORK WE GO! DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO! HI HO! HI HO! HI HO! HI HO!  
  
The music died out and Shuichi smiled like a midget on helium as the two judges on the end began to fumble with their papers. Sakano jumped up on to the table and raised his left hand high into the air as two fat rows of tears streamed from his cheeks.  
  
Sakano: Shindou Kun! Shindou kun Shindou kun Shindou kun Shindou kun Shindou kun Shindou kun!!!  
  
He raved like a wild maniac, much like he had the night Shuichi went to New York and fell out of a helicopter during the middle of Ryuichi's performance.  
  
Sakano: THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!! CAN I PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TOUCH YOUR HAIR? *touches Shuichi's hair* I've touched the hair of Shuichi Shindou! This is a magic moment!  
  
Sakano: *singing* This magic moment! When your lips are close to mine! Will last forever!  
  
Sakano's, erm, "lovely" concert was cut short as Yuki whacked him over the head with a sledgehammer. The distraught Producer sank back into his seat.  
  
Yuki: Baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka.. Baka.  
  
Shuichi and the judges looked at Yuki in disbelief.  
  
Yuki: Baka. That sucked. I wish you would just shut up! If you had lived in BC I think they might have stoned you! You're quite possibly the worst singer in the world!  
  
Shuichi: Y-Yuki.  
  
From his big purple eyes began to spill two large waterfalls of tears. Tohma tried to talk over the sound of Shuichi's bawling.  
  
Tohma: Don't cry Shindou-kun! I think. I think you're really hollywood material. And.I also think you're hollywood material. Oh! And by the way. I really think you're hollywood material!  
  
Shuichi stopped crying.  
  
Shuichi: ARIGATOU!!!!  
  
The pink haired singer, happy once more, bounded off of the stage only to be replaced by an even more childish, genki singer.  
  
Ryuichi Sakuma.  
  
Ryuichi Sakuma: Konnichiwa, minna sans, na no da!  
  
Tohma: Hello, Sakuma-san! What will you be singing for us today?  
  
Ryuichi: Well, I will be accompanied by a very special friend of mine, na no da! Kumagoro has decided to sing with me! We are going to sing about eachother no da!  
  
Ryuichi: *in serious singing mode* I love you You love me We're a happy family With a great big hug And a kiss from me to you *kisses Kumagoro* Won't you say you love me too?  
  
The audience went wild. Yuki dropped his beer, and only spoke once the audience calmed down.  
  
Yuki: If stupid bakas get it right, Ryuichi will be the Gravitation Idol.  
  
Ryuichi: YAY!! Ryuichi and Kumagoro are shining na no da!  
  
Tohma: You're really hollywood material! I think you're hollywood material!  
  
Sakano: *hugs Ryuichi* You have a beautiful voice, sweetie! I love the way you sing, honey!  
  
With that, Ryuichi hugged his Kumagoro very tight and bounced off stage even more quickly than Shuichi had. The mood in the room suddenly went from silly to silent as Fujisaki Suguru walked calmly out onto the stage.  
  
Tohma started to say something, but his anorexic cousin cut him off.  
  
Suguru: Shut up. I'm going to sing. a song. A song that I wanna sing. So die. SUGURU GO BOOM!  
  
The audience was quiet as the insane maniac opened his mouth and belted out a very familiar song.  
  
Suguru: Okay then! Everybody listen up! I'm going to hell! Who's comin' with me? ((Random midget-y voice)) Somebody please help him! Heh, I think the keyboardist's crazy! There's no mountain I can't climb No tower to high No plane that I can't learn how to fly What do I gotta do to get through to you to show you there ain't nothin' I can't take this chainsaw to? Brains bronzed and brass balls, I cut 'em off an got 'em pickled and bronzed In a glass jar inside of a hall with my framed autographed sunglasses with Elton John's name.  
  
..On my drag wall  
  
The audience was silent. No one said a word as Yuki cut off the young keyboardist.  
  
Yuki: Baka. This is a SINGING contest. Not a "make an idiot of yourself" contest! This is NOT Making The Band with P. Diddy! This is Gravitation Idol.  
  
Suguru: Shut up! I'm . thuggin. I'm . ghetto. I'M A PIMP DADDY! Watch as I be cooler than you and smoke pot and make out with my extra-special, popular, slutty, cheerleading girlfriend. Nyah.  
  
Tohma: Get this non-hollywood talent person off of MY stage!  
  
Suguru: Get a life, Tungma! I'll pop a cap in yo azzz. I think it's bout time I opened a can of whoopass on you and all the rest of these fo shizzle mah nizzle wannabes! Fuck ya'll! I'm out!  
  
And with that, the keyboardist was dragged off stage, muttering words that not even Yuki Eiri said when he was drunk. The security man could barely contain the keyboardist with his big gun. ^.^  
  
Sakano: Oh, we better get the next contestant out here. We wouldn't want to waste any time!  
  
Just as Sakano finished, Hiroshi Nakano slumped onto the stage, clad in a cowboy hat and boots, complete with fringe and spurs ^^  
  
Hiro: Howdy therre, folks. Sorry I'm late.  
  
He appeared to be chewing on a piece of grass.  
  
Hiro: My truck broke down right out there in the boones with no one around. I had to walk here, 15 miles through rain and snow, just like I had to do when I was your age, kiddies. Anyways. Let me sing a little bit of this song fer you. I hope ya'll like it.  
  
Hiro: *singing like Travis Tritt* Livin' my life in a slow hell  
  
Different girl every night at the hotel  
  
I aint seen the sun shine in 3 damn days  
  
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whisky  
  
Wish I had a good girl to miss me  
  
Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways  
  
I put your picture away  
  
Sat down and cried the day  
  
I can't look at you, I'm lyin' next to her  
  
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today  
  
I can't look at you I'm lyin' next to her  
  
Only seconds after his last note, Hiro looked like Nall in Lunar 2 after the Dragon Kids had used him as a target during their great tomato throwing game practice.  
  
Yuki: Get that baka off of the stage!! He's poisoning my jello and my paste (do not ask).  
  
Security ran out and dragged Hiro Nakano off of the stage as Yuki put his head back in his hands and sighed.  
  
K (posing as Ryan Seacrest): Well, that's all folks! There isn't anymore Big News for tonight! You'll have to wait til' Next time on Gravitation Idol!  
  
To Be Continued.Who will get voted off? Who will the final 3 be? MORE INSANITY SOON. ^o^ 


	2. Some scary stuff

Heh heh heh.Chapter 2 of the insanity!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. The "Subway" song belongs to the people who made Hey Arnold, the "That's So Raven" song belongs to the disney channel people, and "The Circulation" belongs to the people that made those Schoolhouse Rock cartoons that you watched on Saturday mornings in between bowls of cocoa puffs ^.^  
  
K: Welcome back to Gravitation Idol! After last week's stunning performances, let's see who the public has voted off.  
  
The camera cut to a shot of all four finalists; Shuichi, Ryuichi, Suguru and Hiro, sitting on the risers, each of them engaging in their own individual nervousnessness rituals.  
  
Yuki: Well, even though I thought you were ALL idiots, the public is only supposed to vote off one of you. and they voted off.  
  
*drumroll*  
  
Yuki: Hiro. Yay.  
  
Hiro Nakano stood up and made his way away from the risers in disbelief.  
  
Hiro: THAT'S OKAY, BITCHES!! YOU'LL SEE ME SOMEDAY, IN NASHVILE!! HOWDY!!!  
  
Hiro was dragged off stage by "Ryan".  
  
Yuki: Baka. anyways, let's get on with this. Shall we proceed? Who's gonna bore me first?  
  
Ryuichi, clad in VERY tight leather, stepped up from the group.  
  
Ryuichi: Kumagoro and I will sing first, na no da!  
  
Sakano: That's great, sweetie! What will you sing?  
  
Ryuichi: This.song. I think it's by Mozart or Bach or one of those sophisticated aristocratnessness people.  
  
Ryuichi: *serious singing mode* Let's all hold haaaands. Here on the subwaaaaaaaaaayyy. Cause we've been stuck here in the dark for way to loooong.  
  
Sakano: Oh. My.. OH MY GOD!!! THAT WAS SOO BEAUTIFUL!! *cries* I can't stand the beautifulnessness of it! I think I'm going to have to kill myself now! Daaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! *runs and jumps out the window*  
  
Yuki: How many times am I going to have to say baka? BAKA!! WE NEED A REPLACEMENT OUT HERE!  
  
Yuki Eiri's brother suddenly popped up from the middle of the audience and dashed towards the judges table.  
  
Tatsuha: I'll help you out! *starry eyes* I think that was absolutely beautiful, Ryuichi, just like you. that was amazing. just like you. fuck me- er-fill me with your beautiful music again!  
  
Tohma: *sigh* Thank you for your song, Ryuichi, it really was hollywood material. Now.next?  
  
Shuichi Shindou bounced out on the stage once again and stood erect *giggle, snort*  
  
Shuichi: This song requires no introduction, for it is. very.yes. Pastey. I will now sing.  
  
Shuichi: That's so Raven! It's the future, I can see! That's so Raven! It's so mysterious to me!  
  
Suddenly, Suguru Fujisaki poked his adorable little head out of the red curtain.  
  
Suguru: Cut! Cut! Lienna (the author), what the hell? Why are you making Shuichi sing Disney Channel songs?  
  
Lienna: Shh. Suguru, you're ruining it!  
  
Suguru: You made me sing Eminem! I'm not even allowed to LISTEN to Eminem!  
  
Lienna: Uh, we'll talk about it later.  
  
Suguru: This is a pretty pointless fanfic. Did you eat all the pocky that was in my sock drawer that I TOLD you not to eat? Bahh. Bad Lienna! Bad Bad! No more lap dances for you!  
  
Lienna: Nooo. *cries* Can we get back to the show now?  
  
Suguru: *sigh* Ii yo. Take 2!  
  
Yuki: Back to the land of normal people. Shuichi, that was lovely. Simply lovely. And while we're on the subject of lovely, would you like to join me for tea sometime? We could drink tea and eat muffins.  
  
All of a sudden, Lienna's friend's original character came flying out of the sky in her magical Kumagoro mobile. Her name is Garnet.  
  
Garnet: Hello magical people of the Hershey Kisses!! I would just like to thank Yuki for devising a plan to eat the muffin, Aka Grnet and Lienna's evil, fat spanish teacher.  
  
Lienna: Yay Yuki! She was getting pretty annoying.  
  
Garnet: *flying away* She was just mad because burger king cut her off! They've been sued by enough people tellig them that their food made them fat.  
  
Garnet's Kumagoro mobile faded from sight and everything went back to normal.  
  
Tatsuha: That WAS good! It was so much like Ryuichi's that it KICKED MAJOR ASS!!! YEA!! A noun is a person place or thing!  
  
Tohma: Yes, hollywood material!! Are you a material girl, Shuichi? I hope not, 'cause Yuki won't provide you with material things. *I* don't need material things, though, Yuki.  
  
Yuki: And, once again, BAKA. Is my vocabulary going to be narrowed down to one word? *sigh* Suguru, if you would.  
  
Suguru Fujisaki walked smoothly onto the stage, looking very strange. He was dressed in a white suit that was covered in rainbow-colored studs, and over his beautiful, seducing, lovely, sexy, ok lienna will now stop ranting about them, eyes were shades. He grabbed the microphone from Shuichi and posed in a way that resembled Michael Jackson.  
  
Suguru: *singing* When Reginald was home with the Flu, uh huh The doctor knew just what to. DO-OO She cured the infe-ection With one small inje-ection While Reginald hollered some IN-TER-JEC-TIONS!  
  
As the crowd went wild, Suguru took many, many bows.  
  
Suguru: Thank you, Thankyaverramuch.  
  
Yuki: *sigh* One word.  
  
Tatsuha: That sucked. That REALLY sucked. That was NOTHING like Ryuichi's. I can't believe that you'd humiliate yourself in front of all these people!  
  
Suddenly, Lienna ran out from backstage and began beating Tatsuha violently with her purse, whichi was conveniently filled with bricks.  
  
Lienna: DIE! DIE! STUPID EVIL PERSON! BE NICE TO MY SUGURU OR I'LL.uh. DO SOMETHING!  
  
K: Well, that was today's production of Gravitation Idol! Stay tuned for a special 90 minute feature, next, when we finally find out WHO will be Gravitation's Idol!  
  
Ja! 


	3. And the winner is

A/N: There is much using of the F-word in this part ^^ Umm… yeah.  I think this is the last chapter… ^^

Disclaimer:  I don't own it…any of it ^^  EXCEPT FOR SUGURU'S HEART!  THAT BELONGS TO ME… umm yea.  Im not insane ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Enjoy XD

K:  Yo!  Whazzap my homies?  FO SHIZZLE DIZZLE NIZZLE FIZZLE IZZLE DIZZLE…yea.  Tonight is our special 90 minute show!  We really WILL find out who the Gravitation Idol is!  So, let's see who the final two are!

The camera swung around to the three delicious boys standing under the lights, all of them surprisingly confident.  Yuki spoke up again.

Yuki: Yea, well, the people voted off…  *opens envelope*  WHAT THE FUCK?  ARE YOU PEOPLE INSANE?  WHY THE HELL DID YOU… *clears throat* Yea…They voted off Shuichi.  Sorry.  I'll fuck you later to make up for it.

Shuichi:  La….Li…Ho?  NOOOOOOOOOOO! YUKI YUKI YUKI YUKI dooo something! *cries*  Help me Yuki, please!!!

Yuki:  *sigh*  I've said baka too many times.  I'll just start talking in english.  Or maybe spanish or french… oh, hell, BAKA!!! Get off the stage, fucktoy.  Meet me in bed later.  *smiles slyly*  We'll make it all better…

Shuichi: *suddenly happy*  Yay! Yuki!  Mmm… I'll be going now!  Fuck you all! *skips off stage*

Yuki:  Idiota… OH DAMN!! GODDAMIT!! NOW IM TALKING IN SPANISH! It's all because of that stupid muffin…Goddamnit.  

Suddenly, the doors of the theatre were thrown open.  The form of a figure was visible against the white light.  Suddenly, the audience realized it was none other than…

ZOMBIE SAKANO!!!!!!!!

Zombie Sakano:  Muahahahahaha… I'm back!  *pushes Tats-kun out of the judges seat* And I shall judge… Yes I shall… I shall… To be or not to be?  That is the question…

Yuki:  Oh god… Can one of our pathetic little bakas sing now?

Suguru: I'll sing!  Today is a happy day!  I'll sing for you!  *cheesy smile*

Tohma: *whispering to Yuki* He got laid last night… ^^

Yuki:  Of course.  That always makes Shuichi happy.  Whatt're ya gonna sing, Fuckisaki-er-Fujisaki?

Suguru:  *sigh*  A song of mourning.  Something very special was lost last night…

Tohma: *whispering to Yuki*  That would be his virginity…

Yuki: WOULD YOU SHUT UP?  Please go on Fuckisaki-kun…

Suguru: *singing* I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world   
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere   
Imagination, life is your creation   
  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party   
  
I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world   
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere   
Imagination, life is your creation   
  
I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world   
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie   
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain   
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky   
  
You can touch, you can play   
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa

Suguru: *crying* Th…Thank you.  *bows*

The audience was silent.

Yuki:  Fuckisaki, is there something you'd like to tell us?

Suguru: Like what?

Yuki:  That song is about a fucking GIRL.  

Tohma: Oh!  Fujisaki-kun!  I'm SO sorry!  Why didn't you tell me?  Did you get it done the same time as me?

Yuki:  I'm surrounded by idiots…idiots I tell ya… Anyways, Fuckisaki, I really think you should, um, reconsider what you sing about

Suguru: Cut!  Lienna! *cries* Why are you making them be mean to me?

Lienna: Shh, Suguru it's all for the show!

Suguru: You're just sitting there, LETTING them call me Fuckisaki!  How could you? *cries*

Suguru fell to his knees and began singing again

Suguru: I'm all alone…

There's no one here besiiide me…

My troubles have all gone…

Lienna:  Yuki…

Yuki: Right!  *throws Poke'ball that comes out of nowhere* Muffin, I choose you!

From the poke'ball emerged a very large, very fat, very ugly spanish teacher.  In one hand, she held a burger, in the other a soda.

Yuki:  Muffin, Crush Attack, now!

Suguru's eyes widened in fear as the Muffin waddled toward him.

Suguru:  No! No, I'll be good!  Just let me sing one more time!  I'll be good!  I'm sowwyyy Lienna…

Yuki: Muffin, return!

The audience sighed as the eyesore was removed from their view.

Yuki: Now, back to the show.  Suguru, you can sing one more time.  ONLY ONE!  One, Uno, Un!  Sing!

Suguru: *singing*  We all live in a yellow submarine!

A yellow submarine!

A yellow submarine!

Zombie Sakano cut him off.

ZS:  Ok, thank you Fuckisaki.  That will be all.  OR I WILL KILL YOU!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… yea.  Ryuichi, if you would!

Ryuichi Sakuma bounced onto the stage, faithfully clutching Kumagoro.

Ryuichi: Hello there!  K!

K: It's show time, folks!

Ryuichi: Thanks, K!  Band, hit it!

Ryuichi: *singing to the tune of the spongebob theme song* Ohhh…

Who lives deep inside Ryu's underwear drawer?

KU-MA-GO-RO!

A sex god, oh yes, he's a pink bunny whore!

KU-MA-GO-RO!

If fucking you senseless be something you wish…

KU-MA-GO-RO!

Then get with the bunny, a hott sexy bitch!

YEA!

Ku-ma-go-ro, Ku-ma-go-ro, Ku-ma-go-ro

Kumaaagorooooo

The audience exploded into fits of clapping and cheering as Ryuichi took many many bows.

Zombie Sakano: S…SUGOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MUST DIE NOW NA NO DA!!!!!!!!! NAAAAAAAAA NOOOOO DAAAAAA!!

All of a sudden, there was silence in the room as two shadowy figures appeared in the back of the "auditorium."  One was a tall German man with long reddish-blonde hair.  The other was a very tall, very sexy, very not having 20-20 vision, curly haired assassin person.  We shall call them GG and AG for now (German guy and Assassin guy)

GG:  To protect the world from molestation

AG: To ELIMINATE all peoples within our nation

GG: To denounce the good things of truth and love

AG:  To extend our reach to the stars above…

GG:  Shushu…

AG:  Yoji…

Schuldich and Yoji:  TEAM PLAYBOY BLAST OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT! SURRENDER NOW OR PREPARE TO suffer extremely painful consequences that will not be held against us because we are special people and…and…and yeah.

Lienna:  Um… guys?  This is a Gravi fic.  GRA-VI-TA-TI-ON.

S & Y: Oh uh… yeah… um… TEAM PLAYBOY'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN… *ding*

Schuldich and Yoji suddenly dissappeared much to rabid fangirls' dismay.

Yuki:  *sigh*  I think I need my nicorette gum… So, the winner is…

There was a long, drawn out drumroll.  People could be heard saying: "Dammit, Lienna!! Get it over with already!  We all know you want to write a Weiss Kreuz fanfic anyways!

Weiss:  *singing* You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel!

Lienna: NEVICA!! KEEP YOUR SICK, SAD IDEAS OUT OF MY COMPLETELY DERANGED NAGI AND MANX FANFICS!!! *do not ask..*

Suguru:  Enough with Weiss already! *starry eyes*  I wanna sing my debut song…

Yuki: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH~!  Baka.  The winner is… Ryuichi.  Duh.

The crowd exploded into a bigger fit of cheers and applause than before.  Many rabid fangirls, such as people named Yuirii who run around their schools screaming "NITTLE GRASPER IS REAL" and scaring people, shout things like "I WANT TO MARRY YOU RYUICHI!! THAT'S WHY I FEATURED YOU ON MY SE BUSCA POSTER THAT I FORGOT TO PUT MY NAME ON!!  IT MADE LIENNA CRACK UP WHEN THE MUFFIN SHOWED IT TO THE CLASS!! PEOPLE THOUGHT LIENNA WAS INSANE FOR PUTTING KENKEN ON HERS!"

Ryuichi:  *crying…* Thank…younanoda.  I'd just like to thank all the little people I had to shtep on to get here.  I'd like to thank the people at Trojan, for all their wonderful years of condom-making.  I'd like to thank… Tatsuha.  You know why, honey.  I'd like to thank Yuirii for featuring me on her Se Busca poster, even though Lienna's was BETTER because it had Kenken on it.  But most of all… I'd like to thank…

Kumawhoreo.

Thank you.

A/N:  And that is the end… Just let me remind you I'm not completely insane.  It's all Nevica's fault.  She's the one who looks at Assassin karaoke pics and thinks that they're singing naughty songs.  As if.  And I didn't come up with stupid pairings such as YojixSchuldich, FarfarelloxPersia, NagixManx and so on and so forth… that was that insane person at that insane site of which the name escapes me at the moment.


End file.
